Home bittersweet home…

It’s been too long since my last update. No doubt Singapore has totally left me uninspired but regardless, coming back home to Brunei will always give me that warm feeling in my heart.

But the funny thing about coming back home is getting repeated questions by people asking “So when are you going back?”. A friend sarcastically passed a remark the other day saying “Sounds like everyone’s pretty keen for you to leave again!” Then again, i am sure everyone’s just asking for the sake of asking. It’s just one of those question where you cannot avoid asking once you touch on the subject. Just like asking newly weds when are we expecting little babies the day after their wedding day.

While it feels really nice to be home, a bitter feeling is slowly starting to sink inside me when you look at what’s going on around you and suddenly feel that your home doesn’t feel like the home you grew up in anymore when you were younger. Your family isn’t complete. Your role being ‘someone’ in the family does not really matter anymore because the fact of the matter is, no one actually does.

So what do you do?

Now i am not going to be juvenile and do a copy and paste thing from some random emo songs like how my sister would usually do to express herself nor am i going to write posts like my brother to indirectly send a message to my sister. The fact is right now, i am clueless. My family is really falling apart. My mom’s life is miserable at this point in time. My brother is still recovering. My sister is having the time of her life with her boyfriend and my other sister is just being ‘right’ most of the time. Well, i have done what i think i should have, said what i think i needed to and restrained myself from doing what a lot of people would have done. Heck, i have even tried a different culture of handling things and nothing has really changed much.

Maybe that’s why i wasn’t that upset when my friend passed that sarcastic remark.